My "sitter" plan

Was in Peru most of the day for Ziggy's party. Audrey behaved much better than she has in the past, Ronin and Nikko were both happy to be outside and around so many different people, and I was happy to be in good company. Denis was there too, mostly outside watching the boys. It was such a production, however, for me to pack us up to go there because I had to prepare things for a big chunk of the day:

1. I took 8 of each diaper size just to be safe; Ronin went through 4, Nikko 3, and Audrey 2. But who would know if today would be an extra poopy day, or a filled-to-the-brim day, or a runny diaper day?
2. I took a bigger bag to hold two changes of clothes each, plus extra burb cloths for Audrey.
3. I took a backpack for the Bjorn and extra toys.
4. I had a bag with our shoes (just coz we'd be in the car so long, they could be in socks)
5. And finally, the food bag. I dispersed Audrey's bottles between bags because they were filled with water and would be heavy. Had to pack juice for the boys, plus their nuggets, and animal crackers just in case.

At home I had to do the timeline to make sure we'd leave the house by 11:15. I was 15 minutes late, but arrived to meet up with Denis on time.

On the way, I called Brianna but ended up leaving a message on her cell. I told her we needed to discuss our situation and for her to call me back. She didn't, all day. I'm in a quandry about it because I realize it's the weekend, but is she avoiding my call, should I call her tomorrow? No, I'll call her on Monday morning and leave another message. If she doesn't get back to me by the afternoon I'll text her. I know she works for another family on Monday mornings but I can't fire the sitter if she doesn't call back. Actually I could, but it would be more professional to do it "in person" on the phone vs. text.

I'm so glad that Denis and I discussed our situation this morning because I've been having a hard time trying to see how the pieces could fit. First off, we WILL survive without Brianna. We did it before we hired her, and we can do it again. It was hard before her, and it will continue to be hard. Second, Chinny will help us but I've got to see how to best use her time. This is what it could look like:
Monday - playgroup in the a.m., use the Rolling Meadows Park District daycare services.
Tuesday - 10-11a Speech, use Chinny for Ronin. Errands or appointments after lunch.
Wednesday - Nothing
Thursday - a. Use Chinny for: 12-1p Developmental Therapy, kids eat while Nikko works. 3-4p we all go to Occupational Therapy together @ the clinic. Errands at the end of the day.
b. Don't use Chinny. 12-1p I feed the kids during DT. Then cart everyone to OT myself and we run rampant in the clinic. Not a great plan, but possible.

And that's it. That's the plan as I see it.

Where is the Ricey Milk?

I found it very hard for me to keep my cool with Ronin today. I have some lessons to learn and things to ruminate about. Ronin has a tendency to run around with his sippy cup of juice or "ricey milk" if I let him. I have this rule about eating only in the kitchen, and even Nikko doesn't take his cup to the living room, but maybe I let Ronin do it to placate his temper. Well, I was in the bathroom with Audrey over the sink washing her poopy butt when Ronin came in with his sippy cup. I told him no ricey milk in the bathroom, GO, GET OUT. He just looked at me and continued slurping. I kept telling him to GO, GET OUT, NO DRINKING IN THE BATHROOM. He would just look at me and step even closer to the toilet. I kept getting frustrated with him, and extremely exasperated. Basically I was losing my temper. I finished with Audrey and was trying to sternly tell Ronin not to drink in the bathroom. Later, after lunch, Ronin had again walked off with his ricey milk. I saw him toddling around, but minutes later I saw him empty-handed. I was trying to get all our gear together to go to mom's house and I didn't want to lose that sippy cup by finding it under the couch a month later with icky milk in it. I told Ronin to go get his ricey milk. He looked at me blankly. I told him to go find his ricey milk. He looked around in some bins, but just didn't know what I was asking him to do. I kept badgering him in a loud voice, telling him he'd better help me find it or I'd be really mad, he couldn't have any more ricey milk, etc. etc. and I think I sounded pretty nuts talking to a 1 year old like that. I think I worked myself into a frenzy trying to find that cup and was getting mad at Ronin in the process. WHY couldn't he find his sippy cup? WHY couldn't he remember where he put it? WHY was he always disobeying me and refusing to listen to me? What did I do wrong, what was I doing wrong, and am I being such a bad mother because I can't get my 1 year old to listen to my commands??? I sat on the floor in a sad, pathetic heap, looking at my son that wouldn't listen to me. Nikko came up to me, looking worried, probably thinking I was mad and yelling at him, too. I reassured him that I wasn't mad at him and gave him hugs. Later I was recounting this story to mom and Chinny and I must have sounded really crazy. No, I shouldn't expect a 1 year old to understand what I'm saying, or to follow me, or to even remember where he put his ricey milk. His attention span is very short, and his memory is probably shorter. He probably was just curiously amused while he watched me scream and rant over the lost ricey milk or when I was trying to kick him out of the bathroom.

My worry is that if I let Ronin go along and not reprimand him for things, he will grow up spoiled or selfish. Mom said I could teach him by being stern with a look, and that was good to hear because I know that I already administer withering looks (at least I try to make them withering), or rather, stern looks, and a pointed finger to direct action. She said that I shouldn't feel bad because he already knows that he shouldn't be doing something when I give him The Look. He IS learning, but he's testing me. GREEEAAAAAT. I mentioned that I should probably take some kind of lessons in anger management since it runs in the family. Mom scoffed and said it didn't. Chinny and I looked at each other and agreed that it DID. LOL!

Seriously, I think I should look into anger management for myself. I just bought a book on choosing to be happy, a self-help book recommended by the author of one of the autism books I like (Jonathan Levy), so I'll start reading it and see if it will work. I already try to be happy, but as I mentioned before or in Nikko's blog, there is just an Anxious Bubble that keeps rising when things get dicey, and it makes me hyper, irritable and annoyed. I've got to learn how to control this.

Naptime

Audrey was not coolio at the in-laws' house today. She started out fine, but after a short while she was very upset being held by my mother-in-law and then she became inconsolable. I had to take her into the basement and calm her in the darkened room. She is still skittish about being in different environments, obviously, or being around different people, because she was just screaming bloody murder tonight. I could see the look on my in-law's faces and I felt bad that Audrey wasn't behaving around them. I don't get it, though, because Audrey goes with us to the clinic and is fine there, and even sat in the bjorn in the outdoors where there were lots of kids around us and it was so windy yesterday. She didn't raise a fit about that. I don't understand.

Ronin is definitely a little personality of a man toddling around. But the problem nowadays is that he is resisting his afternoon naps. I started instituting it on Monday, and I'd say that he has cried during the first half of the naptime for most of the week. Today was one of the worst because he cried for 45 minutes, took a ten-minute nap, and then proceeded to cry some more until I got him at the end of his scheduled naptime. I aim to put Ronin in the crib between 2-2:15p, and he often shows signs that he is tired and could use a nap. But the minute I start laying him down into his crib, he rolls over and starts to wail. This is unlike the evening bedtime routine when, after rocking him, I lay him down and wind up the mobile and he just lays there OR falls asleep right away. He is resisting these naps because I'm sure he wants to keep on playing and not miss a minute of excitment. But I am being pretty firm on this. I'm not even going back in to check on him like Brianna is, or giving him a supplemental ricey milk to calm him. Forget it. It's cold turkey for us, buddy.

I don't know if Audrey is ready to cry it out to sleep just yet. Part of me doesn't want to do it like that until she is in her own room or in the crib, but today I kind of had to do it because Cyndi was here and she said that Audrey seemed tired so it shouldn't take her long to go to sleep. I could hear Audrey's screaming down the hallway, but I didn't go to her and she eventually did fall asleep. But the nap was only for 30 minutes. Her later afternoon nap was 1.5 hours, which was fine with me. It gave me a chance to put Ronin to his crib. Notice I didn't say put him to sleep, since he didn't sleep anyway.